Okay, so I have very mixed feelings about the things I am about to write. I'll express my feelings first then I'll write the concerns I have about how I'm feeling so things can be clear. Here it goes...
How can anyone be so mean? Of course there are mean people in this world but I feel that those who love you shouldn't be able to do certain things to you. I mean, it's kind of expected when those who don't know you or care about you hurt you but it's really just kind of a hopeless when those who should love you and should never hurt you engage in activities that are obviously sure to hurt your feelings.
Anyway, my friend has hurt me and continues to hurt me and is very aware that I am hurt and could definitely change the situation with some effort but chooses not to do so(plus every reasonable man will agree that my friend is wrong). I have tried to separate myself form the situation but the separation does not change the fact that my friend hurt me.I have gone through a wide range of emotions and here I am on the corner of hurt and confused. Hurt because of betrayed loyalty, confused coz how can anyone be so mean? How can someone know that their actions hurt another person but persist anyway? I understand that we've all got our lives to live but isn't it reasonable to expect that a relationship you willingly participate in places certain responsibilities on you and the extent or bond of that relationship kind of makes you accountable for how your actions affect anyone else involved in that relationship. I now find myself hoping what goes around comes around. I'm hoping that when you do something wrong to someone you don't get away with it and receive the repercussions/punishment for your actions. I don't want my friend to go scot free. This is kind of a paradox; I loved my friend so much that I would like pay back.
Now to my concerns...
I'm concerned that I am not being christian. I should forgive and turn the other cheek. I should let it go and leave it in God's hand. I shouldn't wish evil upon anyone because what if that which goes around really does come around? I'm definitely not perfect and I have probably done wrong in the past, this would me I would have some major punishment coming my way also...
So what do I do? How do I forgive and move on? obviously,this is hurt that's talking...How do I make it go away, there's been more than enough time but it won't seem to go away so what do I do? If time isn't healing this wound, what will? I need this wound to heal so I can stop worrying about payback.
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