Lesson learned in Satisfaction

It might be a little early to say this but I think 2010 is going to pen out to be the year of Satisfaction. Not that I have everything I want, but I have learned to appreciate my life and its contents regardless of what I think I want or where I think I should be.

4-6 months ago, a conversation with me, depending on the nature of our relationship, would have inevitable veered in the direction of me indulging in a pity party complete with the list of things I want and don’t have as well as those things in my life that went terribly wrong. I was dissatisfied with school, my career as a whole, my love life, you name it…I was dissatisfied. I as angry! Very angry. Angry with other people, angry with my parents most of all, angry at myself. How did I get here? Why didn’t I see this coming? What could I have done differently? Is God punishing me? How am I going to fix it? I was for the second time in my adult life spiraling into a dark hole and entertaining dangerous feelings of inadequacy. I was on the verge of becoming the 2nd most bitter person I know. Sheesh!

I wish I could say that things have turned around, the clouds have cleared and its sunny skies from here till the eyes can see. On the contrary, I think things might be the worst they have ever been, I am now actually on the brink of disaster, earlier this year is nothing compared with where I am now. And I am glad that God has saved me from myself. Instead of drowning in despair, my eyes are open to the fact that I should have been more appreciative of where I was. The bigger picture being that I should always be content no matter where I am. Nothing wrong with goals and aspirations…but not to the point where they cloud the here and now…I have a new found respect for how good I have things now and the fact that they could be worse.

More than ever, I’m convinced that I should make the best of every situation no matter the nature of the situation. Regardless of whether or not I want to be in this moment, right here right now, life will not waste it, this moment will either bite me in the ass or bless me in the future and more often than not, it will be my decision how this moment will affect me. I guess what I’m in a long roundabout way saying is that…unless I’m satisfied, I’ll lack the presence of mind to do the right thing right now hence the importance of satisfaction.