Here's to Living Free

Sometimes we find ourselves in situations we’d much rather hide in the closet; forgotten forever. The sticky situations which are definitely not spirit inspired ultimately result in one of the following scenarios: We feel bad, repent and try our hardest to avoid being back there again; we feel bad but can’t muster the courage and strength to extricate ourselves from the situation or we’re aware of the situation but just don’t care.

I attended growth groups at church on Tuesday night and the bulk of our conversation was on how difficult it can be to deal with feelings of guilt sometimes. I find that lately this topic keeps surfacing around me and to my surprise; many people are plagued by these feelings, as a matter of fact, one of my group members just broke down and cried. So I figure I’d write something that will hopefully encourage/comfort anyone feeling any guilt, context being the first scenario; you have repented and trusting in God for continued strength to avoid messy situations.

It seems like many people, myself included, sometimes feel inadequate to receive from God because of something in their past. There is this feeling of “I don’t deserve X because…” or “I have no right” or “I deserve to be unhappy as punishment for what I’ve done” (X being a job, security, a relationship, happiness, a child or whatever else we could depend on God for). These feelings can be so strong sometimes; they lead to feelings of depression, anger, low self esteem and even strong self loathing.

Romans 2:15 talks about our conscience bearing witness to us if the requirements of the law are written on our hearts. Of course, if we have any form of the Holy Spirit in us, we will feel bad when we sin against God however; in Jesus we do have grace and forgiveness for sins. When we repent of sins in Jesus name, God forgives us and contrary to our on tendency as humans, he does not hold it over our heads, he forgets.

May I just say? When God blesses us, it’s not because we deserve it but because of grace. It’s not by our power or might (not by our actions) but by God’s grace. God is not in the business of paying us back but we do have to remember that the good book says no sin will go unpunished. Every sin carries its own repercussions in itself(Truism). As a good friend of mine put it, “if you go to the store for ketchup but get soy sauce instead, yes that was a mistake but it doesn’t mean because of grace you’ll miraculously have ketchup when you get home”, you better be ready to have your fries with soy sauce. I would say, we have grace but earth isn't exactly garden of Eden at the moment. The point is, while there might be repercussions, You have repented and he has forgiven you, he can bless you with whatever he chooses. You are the child of a king and you have a royal inheritance, so take hold of what’s yours.

At my growth group, we came to the conclusion that if we knew where these feelings of guilt were coming from and why they were coming up then these feelings would be easier to deal with. If you have repented, is it in God’s nature to keep reminding you? Those feelings are not of God; the devil knows what God has promised and seeks to keep us away from those things. The feelings that we don’t deserve, or should be punished or whatever else can only originate from someone who doesn’t want us to be happy. So please, in those dark times, remember God loves you, let us shut the devil up and bask in the grace of our Lord Jesus.

This last point was mentioned as a side note at our meeting, sometimes the Holy Spirit might call past situations/actions to our minds but know that the purpose is not to cause despair but to alert us; to remind us to be cautious, to pray or to encourage someone else. With God, all things should work out for good not for our misery.

Here’s to easy living!

Who is this I have become? A year ago, my friends would have described me as an intellectual, always ready to argue, too philosophical, highly judgmental and more type of person. Not that I am no longer these things, but I think I have sort of evolved and I am not quite sure if I am wiser or not.

These days I find that I bite my tongue more often than I used to. I used to have a lot to say about everything but these days I hold back. Not that I don’t have a strong opinion, I just don’t see the need in engaging in complex exchanges about certain topics. I think the issue is I have fewer gray areas. I find these days that many things have become so black and white for me and knowing that people might not see it so black and white; I have decided not to engage them. Is this the lazy way out? Is it so black and white because I have become less intellectual? Or am I just tired of people telling me I love to argue when really, I just enjoy stimulating conversation?

I find that these days I’m more interested in laughter. I find that I’d much rather engage in light hearted conversation that lifts my spirits and makes me want to fly. While I would like people to see me as an intellectual, I’d rather be a fun person to converse with. Not that I don’t want to exercise my mind, and explore theories at high intellectual levels, I just feel at this point, my mind is made up about certain things. I use God as the focal point for all my decision which eliminates many gray areas. In addition, it seems most people are not as complex minded as I am so it’s usually one-sided which of course is no fun.

There is one exception though, and I think knowing there is this exception allows me to resign myself to this person I have become without any guilt. Any day, any time, I will engage in complex conversations about God…not just religion in general but specifically about the Christian life and what it means to be Christ-like. I really love these conversations and thankfully they are the only ones that really matter.

I’m also more interested in discussing culture, food, places, and hobbies.

Wait.

Day after day
Month after month
Vaccums of time it would appear
I try to make each day count
Everyday a lesson learned
Can't escape the monotony that can alot of times be life
Everyday, anxious, expecting more
Optimistic that the sunrise will be kind
Resigned to the Sunset
Tomorrow is another Sunrise. For Sure!
Look Up!
Find the heart of God.
Know the heart of God.
Accept the heart of God.
Wait.

Daddy's Girl

I haven’t blogged in a while and I kind of feel guilty, I guess I’ve been less self absorbed these days. I guess I’ll write a little bit about my dad.

My earliest and probably my fondest memory of him is sort of a family trip when I was no more than 6 or 7 years old. We had gone to Ogun state to visit relatives; first stop was my dad’s side of the family, in Abeokuta, which was in a more urban part of town, generally more conducive as far as a spoilt little girl used to city living was concerned. Second stop was my mum’s side; very distant relatives whom I had never met who lived in a more rural part of town in a village called Arigbajo. So we get there, visit for a little while and it’s getting pretty dark so my mum decides it would be best if we stayed the night in the village. Daddy had to work the next day so he alone would go back home. Nahan! Daddy’s little girl, yours truly, was not liking the plan. I’m not sure if it was the whole village scene, unfamiliar faces, strange bed, my mum forcing us to play with these kids that weren’t my usual type of friends…maybe the no light, no idea what it was, but I was having none of it. I started bawling my eyes out; I wasn’t staying in some village while my daddy was gone! I’m was going back home with my daddy! Anyway after unsuccessfully trying to persuade me to stay with my mum and 3 other siblings, daddy and I got on the road and I was happy. Driving back home in the front seat, I felt like the first lady. lol! My reign was shortlived though, I guess daddy realized how late and dangerous our ride back home was and decided it would be best if we both went back to the village. Of course I was a little embarrassed because now I had to go back to the village but it was okay, as long as I was with my daddy. I guess I used to be daddy’s girl but somewhere along the line that changed.

My dad was the type to take us out every Sunday; wherever. The beach, latest restaurants, fancy hotels for dinner, long drives to Abeokuta listening to Barry White, Gregory Isaacs, Luther Van dross, Smokie Robinson and others in that genre. Yeah, growing up, I definitely adored daddy.

Flash forward to present, older and wiser. Our relationship is all but perfect, I see his flaws, I see some mistakes, but most of all I see my father’s love. I can’t even begin to list the actions that show me how much my father loves me. He worked and continues to work super hard to make sure his girls are “good”. Actually, I can’t put it into words, I can’t describe my father’s love, there is no way I could do it any justice. I’ll just say, my daddy is an awesome daddy and I am blessed in so many ways to be his daughter.