Forecast: Sunny skies

Busy busy busy as a bee.

Been listening to a lot of music though.

It’s a little weird, the closer I get to moving back home, the more familiar I am with myself…whatever that means *eyes rolling*. I feel like I recognize myself. I’m starting to make sense again, I feel sturdy and anchored. I thank God for not leaving me lost in the dark.

My taste in music, my opinions, general disposition etcetera is clearer and more me. It’s like I was a victim of identity theft and the medicine is finally working…I’m listening to “it hurts like hell” by Aretha Franklin and I remember how much I loved this song as a teenager. This is the 3rd time I’ve looked up this song in about 6months and I just remember how much I believe that voice of hers. That high pitched, haunted sound pierces the pretty place of my ear drums…her heart is broken but there’s nothing broken about the sound of her voice and the earnestness with which she’s getting her point across. It’s funny because the song is about love that hurts yet listening to it doesn’t make me sad…as a matter of fact it triggers feelings of hope, a kind of warm feeling. She says “True loving has no hiding place, it’s not something you just put away, it’s always there inside of you, and oh it shows in everything you do…sometimes it hurts…” and the pain is just too much. She makes me want to know what she’s talking about, not the pain, but the love.

It makes me want a crazy love that would hurt like hell. Although I thank God for grace because when he gives me mine, I know it will not hurt like hell, instead it will “hurt so good” (Lol! How cheesy!). It’ll run deep down and I will feel it in my soul.

Anyway, what I should be talking about is the uncertainty of the very near future. The past 8 years have brought me to this point. Living away from home, always building semi-portable lives mentally, emotionally even physically, unable to really feel stationary knowing deep down inside that I was headed back home. Now the moment of truth is here. There’s relief as a result of those times it seemed this day would never arrive; it just seemed so far away phew! There’s satisfaction and contentment since I am getting what I want and then there’s a question…if I had more, if my life here were a little heavier and not so portable, would this be my decision? Is this what I would want or is this just what I have? Generally though, I am at peace, looking forward to it with joy not apprehension. Everytime I think about it, it’s all sunshine in “dami-land” and I can’t wait to book that ticket.