FUGGEDABOUDIT MEHN!

      Forgive and forget. Who would have thought such a simple and concise directive would be so difficult to follow? When I found myself in a situation where forgiveness really became the key to my freedom, I found that it wasn’t really so easy to move past the issue, forgive and forget. I found that I really did not know what it means to “forgive” plus I started wondering what this “forget” business really means. Obviously, I can’t be expected to all of a sudden have selective amnesia just because I have decided to. So it’s got to mean something else right? Well what does it mean? If I can’t quite literally forget, what is the author of this directive really saying?

      In the past, I have been convinced that all I really needed in order to forgive was a contrite apology, ha-ha, what a laugh! It’s become clear to me that my thinking was highly flawed because first of all, Jesus came as a living sacrifice for the forgiveness of our sins before we were conceived much less had a chance to apologize. As a matter of fact, the very moment God cursed Adam, he created a way out of the hopelessness that was sure to be ours. God at that moment said about the offspring of the woman to the serpent “he will crush your head and you will bruise his heel…” a prophecy eventually fulfilled by Christ’s victory over the devil. So, to be Christ-like and follow the example of the Creator…obviously an apology is not grounds for forgiveness.

      So how do you forgive someone who has not apologized? After an extended conversation with my darling cousin, I think I may have a recipe, well more like one ingredient that by the grace of God will work for me. Forget. I think the phrase “forgive and forget” should be cut to “forget” period. In my opinion forgive = forget, thinking they are 2 separate things is kind of confusing for me. Forget does not mean to develop amnesia, I think it means to no longer hold whatever a person did wrong as grounds to be angry with that individual. I think it means showing love regardless of what they have done. I think it means not dealing with this individual on the basis of the hurt or pain they may have caused. It means, “yes, I do have the right to be angry because this person was wrong however, I will choose to not hold what they have done against them…I will turn a blind eye to it”. In essence, I will turn the other cheek as Jesus directed. Now this does not mean forgetting what such a person is capable of, the bible also says to be wise. I will try to make sure I never put myself in a situation where this individual can do the same thing to me again while maintaining a relationship that’s non-reflective of any hurt they may have caused in the past.

      This isn’t expected to be the easiest practice in the world. Betrayal and hurt are sharp daggers that run deep and sometimes have lasting effects on not just one but many lives however, with this knowledge of how to achieve forgiveness by blindsiding wrong doing, hopefully the process will be easier and faster. I pray for strength beyond that which is normal to practice this in Jesus name. I also pray for forgiveness from God for holding a grudge.

      By the way, this is a very important issue because the scripture says in Matt 5:23-24; “So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.”

Some helpful scriptures:
Matthew 18:15; “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.

John 20:23; If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you withhold forgiveness from any, it is withheld.”